What does it mean to be ‘formless’ and how do I get there?

I’m a bit at odds with this world – like I don’t fit in much. I don’t purposely try follow trends outside of what’s mainstream, like the standard definition of hipster. I like it better this way. I haven’t always felt this way about myself. The liking it better this way, that is. The confidence has been brewing for some time, only to be masked by some heaviness around me. Being formless is not easy. When we are young, we are told to conform so we ‘fit’ in. Paul said it right in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I just prefer to be me. I want to value the things I value. I want to love the people I choose to love. I want to give freely without expecting anything in return. I want to say the things that make my heart flutter.  I want to tell my stories with no fear of judgment. Life shouldn’t need an explanation. I’m owning it.

My life coach helped me realize that the true happiness in my life is when I can feel like a fairy – one who can spread her wings and touch the lives of whomever she wishes with a lightness in her step and a twinkle in her eye. Heaviness is unnecessary weight to carry. I want a bounce in my step.

“Classic, expensive, you don’t get to touch”

I am worth a lot more than how this world chooses to value things.  I have some amazing friends that constantly remind me of this.  I have hoarded boxes of sentimental letters that remind me of this.  Sunflowers remind me of this.  More than likely if you are reading this, you have reminded me of this.

Flawless? You don’t get to flawless without flaw. You don’t get the good without the rest of me.

Respect that, bow down Bitches.

I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted.
This my shit, bow down Bitches.
H-town Vicious.