As I wash over a partially completed canvas with Liquitex Gesso, there is a sense of new beginnings in the air, kinda like the flow of energy when you’ve done spring cleaning right. There is still some of the past peering out of the white no matter how many coats I apply. Perhaps this is a reminder of some of those memories that will always remain. Tears won’t wash them away. Hot showers only loosen the dirt. The white allows me to meditate a little better. It’s a place I don’t visit often enough. My heartbeat begins to fall. My breath is intentional. I have found that Ujjayi breath. I am going to stay present, self-aware and grounded.
It’s taken a lot of courage to take steps I’ve never taken before. To walk a new path. To reteach myself how to live. To learn how to be happy. To learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. To love me. To love you. To have a bounce back in my step. Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce….
I am throwing paint on this canvas, and am responsible for this masterpiece that is full of experiences. You are not invited into my world casually; relationships for me, are not transitory. I will cherish you. I will love you. I will respect you. I have chosen you to be a part of my life.
This is my canvas, and my space to record memories. When I smile at you, it’s because my heart is smiling. When I laugh, it’s because you’ve overwhelmed my heart and the vibrations come out as sounds. When I tear, it’s because you’ve touched my heart in a way that is gentle and compassionate. Let’s fill this canvas.
If uncertainty is possibility. I am a blank canvas of possibility.